Figuring out you're a round peg in a square hole

Figuring out you're a round peg in a square hole

 

I was the kid who excelled at school, bringing home straight As, acting in school plays, excelling at sports. Until High School where I didn't get roles, didn't make school teams, did ok in maths and sciences and didn't really fit in. Then University and going to work in the corporate world. I bounced around looking for "my place", achieving a list of credentials, but never found that place. 

 

From a young age, I've always known in my heart, gut and deepest soul that I was meant for something big in this world. 

 

After 6 years home with my kids, I started my own business, still being able to be at every school performance, home for sicknesses and always being there for my kids. I was taught, like most people my age, to go to school, get a good education followed by a good job, excel through the ranks and retire. I never felt comfortable in this role.

 

When I started my business, I excelled, worked the numbers with a corporate mentality, worked hard and rose through the ranks, thanks to what I was taught. 7 months after promoting to the level of success considered, "making it", I was sick and unable to respond to a 2 line email.  My business suffered. I failed. I was unwell for the next 12 months and continued to recover for another 6 months. More illness followed and general exhaustion for the next 4 years. Midway through all of this, I was in a state of depression. I woke up one day and realized, like I'd been hit by a lightning bolt, that I didn't want to and couldn't continue to live like that, depressed. 

 

I wasn't living my true spirit, I was trying to "fit in" so my body shut down forcing me to slow down. That was the start of my personal growth journey. Coming to the realization I couldn't live in the fast paced world I was taught. My intensive personal growth journey started in 2014. I absorbed it everywhere, books, presentations, workshops, videos and in person meetings. The shifts were profound and life altering in 2015 and continue today. 

 

Decades into my life, I realized I have been tied to the expectations of others. My success was dependent on societal definitions of success. 

 

Through all of this, I discovered why I never fit in the square hole as a round peg, I AM meant for more. I am part of and have been affected, to my core, by the universal spiritual evolution that has been happening intensely for the last few years. The shift to spiritual, being led by incredible women. 

 

I read this the other day in Mind Body Green's on-line newsletter about the lunar New Year, another "revelation" for me, explaining a lot: 

"Unprecedented storms and devastating blazes also caused major destruction during the past two years (2016-17), which were ruled by the fire element. It's been intense, heart-wrenching, exciting, and basically...a lot. Starting Thursday, we may all begin to feel a bit more grounded as the Dog marches in and initiates two years that will be ruled by the earth element."

(You can read the article HERE)

 

I would extend "rule by the fire element" to 2015. I have been turned upside down and completely unsettled and ungrounded for the past 3 years. As soon as the date changed to January 1, 2018, I felt a settling, a calming, a feeling that all of the work and upset of the past 5 years is coming to a resolution. I have been working the past couple of months to calm, settle and release all of the things that have been holding me back for the past 6 years, all of the bits of that have led to this realization. 

 

During this time, I have become much more spiritual, in a divine Universe sense. I regularly connect with my "higher power"; I call it Universe and often connect with my angels. I have also realized I am an intuit and empath which explains most of my life. I've always had intuition but resisted it for the most part, letting my logical brain dominate. My entire life, I have always been uncomfortable and stressed out by crowds, large or small. Being in that environment puts me completely on edge and stresses me out, as it does for most empaths. I have never been able to articulate it until recently, I am absorbing energy of the crowd which in itself is overwhelming, not knowing what that feeling is magnifies the effect profoundly. 

 

I have never fit in. I was always the intuitive one, especially with people and resisted the different groups at school, university and in the workplace, always being the chameleon. Even today, I have a small core of good friends but a larger community of friends and acquaintances in different aspects of my life. 

 

My life is finally making sense to me, why I behave certain ways in situations, resist other situations and why my professional life has played out the way it has. I am becoming comfortable in my energy filled, intuitive, new spiritual existence. 

 

 

As I have been clearing my past, coming to realizations and settling into this new way of being, I have been floating. Especially the past few weeks, I have felt as if I am literally floating, unable to concentrate on anything, "squirrel" (from the movie Up) at almost everything and have conversations, I'm sure don't make sense to people, speaking at lightning speed then slow to a snails pace in the same thought. It is all part of the journey, my journey to the new me. The ME that will live her truth and through more spiritual growth, be the person I know in my heart I am meant to be. 

 

The most amusing thing about all of this is, if I read the exact words I have just written, even 5 years ago, I would have said to myself "Alison Stuckey is a bit "koo koo"". Letting go of that is the best feeling ever, almost as good as realizing you're not crazy and that your life and everything you feel actually make sense. 

 

Alison xo

 

 

 

Alison Stuckey founded Live Love and Joy 2 years ago when she realized the world needed more happy, positive mindset and energy. She conducts mindset and energy workshops including a lot of science, tying mindset to energy and how it works in conjunction with emotions. She also offers mindset and energy coaching. 

 

Alison is the Branch Director in Happy Healthy Women's Uptown Toronto Branch.